Do you often find yourself unhappy with a situation in your life but don’t know how to change it? Or do you even think that you cannot change it at all? If you know what I mean then you might suffer from the so-called “learned helplessness”. This term was invented by Martin Seligman and describes the state of mind in which a person has unlearned to trust his/her own power to transform something in his/her life or reach a goal. People might constantly find themselves in the “role of the victim” and feel like everything just happens to them and they are too powerless to change anything, so they assume that their only option is to suffer.
I know, this sounds super dramatic, but don’t worry! If you feel as if you identify with that, then this blog will help you to get out of the “role of the victim” and right into the strong, independent woman that you want to be! It might take a little practice, but once you learn how to reach one goal or change one little thing, you will enroll in the process of change and achieve even more and more over time.
Before you can start to change your outer world, let’s first start with your inner one! I want you to look at your current situation and analyze why you find yourself here, what led to it, and why you want to change it.
Now ask yourself why you haven’t changed it yet or why you feel like it’s impossible.
Before we go to the next step, I want you to ask yourself if it’s really YOU who wants to change the situation or (when you are really honest with yourself) if you feel under pressure to change something by other people around you. (Should you have the feeling that the second one is more true, then allow yourself to say no and enjoy the situation that you are in and ignore the people around you! It sounds hard, but at the end of the day, it’s your life that we are talking about;) )
So, if you are sure, that YOU want to have a change in your life then it’s super helpful to reflect and remember a previous situation where you already had to be brave and change something. Write down what it was, how you did it, and how you felt after achieving it.
Once you have this little “shot of motivation”, make a plan on how to change the current situation (If you want to change your job, start by looking for job offers… if you want to quit smoking, look for tips on how to do it the easiest way, etc.)
Set your goal and divide it into little goals if needed (e.g. goal 1: looking for job offers, goal 2: updating the CV, goal 3: sending out CVs, goal 4: getting some interviews, etc.)
Tell a friend! By sharing your goal with someone, you make yourself more accountable, because you know that your friend might ask about your progress. Plus he or she can support and motivate you! 🙂
The last but almost the best advice that I could give you is to write down this little mantra and never ever forget it “Everything is figureoutable”! (inspired by the book “Everything is Figureoutable” by Marie Forleo) To be honest, this Mantra is the reason why I’m typing these words right now! It inspired me to start this blog and share my knowledge with the world <3
The concept is so simple and yet so so helpful! For every problem, there is a solution that you can figure out. If you cannot figure it out, then it’s not a problem- it’s a fact! (and facts cannot be changed)
You want to eat cake but you don’t know how to bake? Then search for recipes and learn how to bake, go and buy a cake or ask your friend who loves baking to do it for you 😉
Only facts cannot be solved or changed. Your goldfish died? Well, this is a fact and you cannot do anything about it. BUT you can still change how you want to be affected by it. You can either grieve or figure out ways to feel better.
I will leave you with this for today! I hope this will help you to take back control over your life! Start small and trust the process.
And don’t forget: “Everything is figureoutable”.
Love,
Claudia
PS: In case you have any questions, you are more than welcome to message me at any time at info@thechoosinghappiness.com
Photo by Brooke Lark on Unsplash
