Welcome back to the second part of this Blog series 🙂

As we have already learned in the first part, the main reason why we feel insecure is that we are longing for the feeling of love and acceptance. 

Knowing where insecurities come from is actually very powerful because even if you felt pretty secure at home you might have felt insecure when you entered a new group of friends as a kid or teenager or even when you entered your first job. Thoughts such as “OMG am I even smart enough to work here?”, “Wow, all the girls here are so cool, I hope they will like me because I’m definitely not that cool!”, “The guy over there is so handsome but I don’t think that I`m pretty enough for him to notice me” might feel familiar. 

To be clear, feeling a little shy sometimes is not bad at all but what we want to work on here are the things that keep you from living your life to the fullest, get the job you want, the relationship you deserve, etc. 

As already mentioned, the first step for overcoming insecurities is to detect and verbalise your limiting beliefs. For the next exercise, it is important to really take your time to reflect, so find a cosy place where you won’t be disturbed for the next couple of minutes and get yourself comfortable. I suggest writing your thoughts on a piece of paper as writing gives you the opportunity to really focus on yourself and calm your mind.

Step 1

I want you to ask yourself what your family’s “thing” was in order to get attention and security? 

A little trick while reflecting –  Start by questioning yourself: “Who`s attention did I seek the most as a child?” It might be your father, mother, uncle, grandmother or whoever was important to you in your childhood. (not whom you loved the most because we know that you love all of your family members equally ;))

So now, what were the features this particular family member valued the most? Quite often, this is exactly ‘the thing’ that influences your life the most. You can go on and see if you are able to figure out other features that were important to your family. 

Let me give you an example. As my father usually had pretty late working hours, he made sure we knew the importance of being quiet around the house and not shouting or screaming. Also, he often told us stories from people that he admired and how well educated those people are. Apparently, his values are calmness, education and intelligence. So I always made sure that I was not talking too much around him or god forbid scream.

Step 2

Now that you know “the thing (s)” it is time to reflect on your life and see where this thinking or mindset already influenced your behavior. 

For me it would have been while holding a presentation in school and being required to speak loud in front of other people.. I was really struggling! Also, I was afraid that the words  coming out of my mouth would not be smart enough in a group of friends or at work. This then often resulted in me not even saying a single word when at a business lunch with my colleagues.. what a waste of great opportunities to connect to other people, right? 

Now it’s your turn! Write down some situations where you felt limited by your insecurities! 

Step 3

Great! Now that you have detected them let`s verbalise them! Although it may feel weird let’s write down your beliefs: 

I need to be quiet in order to be accepted and loved. 

I need to be smart in order to be accepted and loved. 

I need to be pretty in order to be accepted and loved. 

I need to be….

Once you know your beliefs you will understand why questions like “Am I smart/ pretty/brave/ etc. enough?” arise when you are facing difficult situations. 

Understanding where this all comes from is already a very powerful tool. With just realising that your insecurities and beliefs about yourself are not actually yours, but rather reflections of and values from your parents, can be a great relief.

Step 4

Allow yourself to break free!

To continue reading, hop over to Part III 

See you!

Love, 

Claudia 

PS: In case  you have any questions, you are more than welcome to message me at any time at info@thechoosinghappiness.com